Ho Cosigners

I recently learned an important lesson (from an anonymous hip hop expert): white people who make black music need black cosigners. Eminem had Dr. Dre, Timberlake has Timbaland. Elvis surely had somebody. The black cosigner essentially says, He's alright; I declare that we will tolerate him. Cultivating black cosigners is very important. Otherwise, it's portrait of the artist as a pale fool.

So, in my Clebbie way, I've developed a spinoff concept: the ho cosigner. The function of a ho cosigner is to sing choruses cosigning the sexism in the verses. She essentially says, I like this ho role; I thrive on objectification. Think Hey Dirty, baby I got your money--or--Biggie Biggie gimme one more chance. Dr. Dre employed this technique often. It was a favorite trick in the nineties.

In fact, some would say the ho cosigner has fallen out of favor these days. And some, probably the same ones, would say that perhaps that hints at a gentle-slope decline in sexism in rap since the days when "something to poke on" was shorthand for "woman." Others, however, would call this a fantasy. And those others might also want to embark on a relationship-threatening argument about the whole matter, and that argument might make the first party insecure in their opinions and might keep them from revising the post they had written on the subject because of said insecurity.

What was I talking about?

Ah yes, ho cosigners.

Hip hop may not be any less sexist, but I'll submit this: That was Kelis--Kelis--cosigning ODB, saying she had his money and he need not worry. I can't imagine her stooping so low now. She's all about the liberated sexiness, a la My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and, (ahem, pardon me) Wait til you taste my clit.

Uh, I can't end on that note...Anybody have anything else to say? No? Okay. Laters.

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